A Tale of Grace

I don’t remember what day it was or the month. I couldn’t even tell you the year or explain how everything just fell into place. The only thing I can be sure of is Grace.

It was one of those spontaneous moments. I decided to drive and see my sister for no rhyme or reason. She was pregnant at the time, between three and four months and was excited and afraid of this new adventure.

My sister was always flying by the seat of her pants; no plans just roll with whatever life gives you. With what I call momma brain, she would forget appointments and all sorts of things.

On this particular day she had forgotten about her ultrasound appointment, and had just received a reminder call. Her significant other had the vehicle, and as I had just shown up she asked me to take her. In a grumpy not so pleased fashion, as is my nature, I agreed to this task.

We arrive, check in, and wait for the nurse to call her. The intention is only to wait for her, not to go in. But we decide to do this together as it is new to her and to me.

The room is dark and small with only a table and the equipment needed. My sister lays down on the table with her belly exposed waiting to start. We chit chat about nothing particular while we wait for the technician. When she arrives we all engage in conversation and the ultrasound is started. As the process continues the technician informs us that she needs to find the doctor for the rest of the session.

By now there is an uncomfortable energy to the room. As we wait what seems like forever we chat and we worry because it feels like something is wrong. Finally the doctor arrives, does a couple swipes over her belly and delivers the news.

The life inside her is no more.

In all this my sister is still and calm as am I, but both of us broken inside. The doctor leaves and her composure finally collapses as reality sets in, tears fall down her face and quiet sobs echo in this quiet, dark little room.

I feel a calm wave come over me. As the tears silently fall down my face I just stroke her hair with one hand and place the other on her arm. We remain silent. There is no room for words. In that moment I shared the pain and didn’t pretend that it was okay. We understood, accepted and allowed ourselves to hurt.

When the technician returned she gave my sister the compassionate mother response that I couldn’t give, hugging and consoling her.

We were told to go up to another floor to talk to the doctor regarding this outcome. We spent another two hours waiting in a room full of pregnant, ready to bust mothers. Finally, unable to see my sister continue this torture I told her that it was time to go. The doctor could call or make an appointment for another day. My sister deserved to go home and not have to deal with this anymore today.

Although this may come across as a sad story, it truly is a tale of Grace. I was not supposed to be there but I was. My sister was to go alone but she didn’t. She was surrounded by people who gave compassion and understanding. We really didn’t know it then but we do now.

Everything happens for a reason and truly the reasons became the rewards.